2.02.2005
The Real Reason Bush Should Keep Tabs on How We Breed
but first: Now playing... Dios, "Dios."
And now, here's why people should be licensed to rear children: my friend X received this email from some dude she dated like once or twice. He totally knows who she is, but played the "duh" card and sent this ridiculous gem:
So, I'm going through some old emails and came across this name. I'm having trouble placing exactly who this is but since I have some friends coming into town for the Phoenix Open that I have to entertain, I figure that I'd give this a shot since you are most likely a hot girl. If you are a hot girl or even just a fun girl, please write back. I would like to inquire into your plans for this weekend and if you would like to visit a gentleman's dance club.
That is all,
Kevin
What do you think Kev's chances are with my friend - or with any girl with an ounce of self-esteem, for that matter? IF YOU ARE A HOT GIRL OR EVEN JUST A FUN GIRL, WRITE BACK. Wha?!? Is he in the fourth grade or something? I haven't seen anything that pathetic since some guy my freshman year in college told me he could see himself in my pants. And then, as the grabber, he asks her very politely if she would like to accompany him and his posse to a STRIP CLUB. Why, of course! Gosh, Kevin, you didn't even need to ask, you know a little old girl like me would be pleased as punch to watch strippers rub their breasts on your face, especially since it's so flattering that you don't remember me, your friends will naturally assume that we've slept together, and I'll probably have to buy your drinks!
Oh, Kevin, please, just cut it off. Cut off your man-member, as it is obviously the larger head on your body and nothing but pure, retarded evil. Stop it now, Kev - stop the madness before you hurt somebody.
