1.25.2005
Suzanne is Oh So Clever
Freakishly, I found out today that my boss has a copy of Suzanne Somers' book "The Sexy Years" - the one where she talks about menopause and bio-identical hormones. Oh yeah, good times. I pulled the copy off his shelf and collated a lovely selection of some of the quotes that precede each chapter. They are gems. (btw: I almost wrote "germs" - hmmm...)
Enjoy:
“Perks of being over forty: You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.”
“’Old’ is when a sexy babe catches your man’s fancy and his pacemaker opens the garage door.”
“’Old’ is when … getting a little action means you don’t have to take any fiber today.”
“Signs of menopause: You sell your home heating system at a garage sale.”
And my personal favorite…
“I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.”
Be afraid…be very afraid…
In other horrifying news, today they announced - just after I took a shower, washed my face and brushed my teeth - that the Phoenix water supply has a high particulate level due to recent heavy rains, and until noon tomorrow, it is unsafe to ingest. They said "don't drink it, don't brush your teeth with it, don't water your lawn, don't wash your clothes, and take a very brief shower." Natchurally, I had done none of the above. And of course there was a run on bottled water across the city, as people freaked the fuck out and bought up every bottle within sniffing distance.
I even went on a run myself, as our filtered office water was deemed "unsafe." Possibly. Or whatever. A coworker begged me to go to - gag - Starbucks and get him the largest black coffee they would sell me, and he was barely in luck - they weren't brewing their own, but they had trucked in a supply of coffee from one of the stores in Mesa.
Unreal.
Also from Arizona: news that there is now a citizen militia empowered to patrol the border with Mexico. Every mullet-sporting redneck between here and Salt Lake City is verily champing at the bit to get down there with a 12-pack and a 12-gauge and keep our country safe...from landscapers.
My friend in Japan said, "Sounds like Somalia." Neato, huh? My god I hate this bloodsucking state.
In better news, I had my second interview with that big job in Portland and it went amazingly well. I am going to interview with the vice president of the company next week (there are 6,500 employees, so that's pretty big-time) and if all goes well, will fly out to P-land to meet the team. I am so excited. Pooping myself, practically!
And it's great timing, since they want to have someone in place by mid-February, and the Puppy has sold his house and will be camping here with me - and my one soon-to-be-abused bathroom - come Feb. 10. Oh, and my mom is A-OK! I don't want to jinx anything, but...
Again, wish me luck.
I just made red Thai curry and the EH showed up on my doorstep to look for some lost snowboarding gear. Hm. Life. Hm.
Enjoy:
“Perks of being over forty: You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.”
“’Old’ is when a sexy babe catches your man’s fancy and his pacemaker opens the garage door.”
“’Old’ is when … getting a little action means you don’t have to take any fiber today.”
“Signs of menopause: You sell your home heating system at a garage sale.”
And my personal favorite…
“I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.”
Be afraid…be very afraid…
In other horrifying news, today they announced - just after I took a shower, washed my face and brushed my teeth - that the Phoenix water supply has a high particulate level due to recent heavy rains, and until noon tomorrow, it is unsafe to ingest. They said "don't drink it, don't brush your teeth with it, don't water your lawn, don't wash your clothes, and take a very brief shower." Natchurally, I had done none of the above. And of course there was a run on bottled water across the city, as people freaked the fuck out and bought up every bottle within sniffing distance.
I even went on a run myself, as our filtered office water was deemed "unsafe." Possibly. Or whatever. A coworker begged me to go to - gag - Starbucks and get him the largest black coffee they would sell me, and he was barely in luck - they weren't brewing their own, but they had trucked in a supply of coffee from one of the stores in Mesa.
Unreal.
Also from Arizona: news that there is now a citizen militia empowered to patrol the border with Mexico. Every mullet-sporting redneck between here and Salt Lake City is verily champing at the bit to get down there with a 12-pack and a 12-gauge and keep our country safe...from landscapers.
My friend in Japan said, "Sounds like Somalia." Neato, huh? My god I hate this bloodsucking state.
In better news, I had my second interview with that big job in Portland and it went amazingly well. I am going to interview with the vice president of the company next week (there are 6,500 employees, so that's pretty big-time) and if all goes well, will fly out to P-land to meet the team. I am so excited. Pooping myself, practically!
And it's great timing, since they want to have someone in place by mid-February, and the Puppy has sold his house and will be camping here with me - and my one soon-to-be-abused bathroom - come Feb. 10. Oh, and my mom is A-OK! I don't want to jinx anything, but...
Again, wish me luck.
I just made red Thai curry and the EH showed up on my doorstep to look for some lost snowboarding gear. Hm. Life. Hm.
