...And Then Everything Went Horribly, Horribly Wrong

Mmm, these would make me happy.

So on top of everything else bizarre that is going on in my life, two of my girlfriends are trying to convince me to sign up for internet dating. They're adamant that there's no stigma and the people are totally normal. Each one knows of a girlfriend who "does it all the time." Um. Is this cool? Yeesh, but in the spirit of doing things that stretch my boundaries (and in the interest of a free sushi dinner...or blog fodder, at the very least) I suppose I should do it. I mean, this whole Portland thing is totally a leap and a half. btw: I have a second interview set up for Tuesday with that lovely job in Portland, so wish me luck.

Anyhoo, back to online dating... I told NYC D about it and he had a total conniption fit."You have no idea who those people are" - that sort of thing. I think it’s kind of sweet how he tries to steer me in the right direction, always, and does his part to look out for me – even from so far away. He is so fully involved in my life. Talk about demented! And it's even more twisted b/c he's a bit jealous of the Pup, just for time spent and all that, and keep in mind that NYC D is married, so it’s not like we have some super-healthy platonic thing going on, ya know? …which leads me to this…why do I find it so much more fun to have totally abnormal relationships with guys than to give all my cookies to Just One Dude??? Maybe there is one guy out there who can handle me, but for right now I'm tangled up in a web of my own weaving that provides a comfortable emotional safety net.

It came in handy Wednesday night - the EH and I had dinner and then filled out the divorce paperwork. So bittersweet. And the Puppy called right at the moment the EH left. We discussed how the EH is a genuinely lovely person, and that he is going to make some girl very happy. Just...not...me. I asked, “Puppy, am I the devil?” And he said, very warmly, “No, Alisa, you’re just you.”

So here's my two cents on the Essence of Puppyness, just so errbody will calm down and stop telling me to hump the kid. I was talking to friend L about a possible new pup in her life, and I explained that a Puppy fills the boyfriend void - phone calls, hanging out, a bit of debauchery, cooking dinner for each other and generally just caring about each other - without the benefits. Why no benefits? It's like this: Sometimes I look at the Puppy and think, “Why aren’t we making out?” But then I remember how he humps skeezes and I’m immediately bounced from my reverie.

The key with a pup is feeling like you’re always on the verge of falling for him deeply, but then like I said, instantly realizing that it’s totally inappropriate, no matter how much you have in common. Ooh, it’s so much fun. Anyhoo, that's all for now. I just spent the morning pulling weeds out of my front yard, I mailed my divorce paperwork to Lisa in Japan (she does family law) to make sure the EH and I do it right the first time (no irony there, right?), and soon I'll make lunch and then go buy my mom a birthday gift. What are you up to? xxoo

Um...just registered - and then immediately UNregistered - for Match.com. Ack! The dudes "available" to me would make my mom cry...me, too, for that matter. Better for me to stick to the old-fashioned way of meeting guys: bonking them on the head and dragging them back to my cave! Alley-oop!

// posted by Alisa @ 11:24 AM