10.21.2004
Reality Bites - If You're Lucky
Okay, so I'm reading my friends' blogs and they're all talking about leaves changing color and various watery objects falling from the sky...and I picked up an iced mocha on the way to work. That's sick! And wrong!
Here's some hilarity: when I was going through security in the Fabulous Newark Airport one of the agents glanced at my license and asked, "What's Arizona like?" I said, "It's brown." And then, upon taking a closer look, she exclaimed, "Oh no - you didn't!" And I realized that in my license photo, which was taken in like 1995, I was wearing OVERALLS. Now, I'm not proud of this (we all have our fashion faux-pas that trail us), but the look on her face conveyed abject horror. Suddenly, I knew what she was thinking. "We don't drive covered wagons or anything," I blubbered. "It's not like the Old West." To which she said, "Yeah, right, Arizona," handed me my license and laughed. Oh, the shame, the shame. It's not enough to be stuck here, but to have it ridiculed by airport personnel in NEW JERSEY. Oh, it spanks!
And what the hell is blogging, anyway? It's semi-twisted to provide such an intimate look into your life via an online diary. It's like the desk-bound version of being on a reality show. You can air as much dirty laundry as you like and still remain semi-anonymous.
Speaking of reality shows, my girlfriend S in LA said a friend of hers invited her to be an extra for the opening credits of a new one. The producers are offering to pay people 50 bucks to A) bring their own clothes and B) stand around a restaurant from 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. What is wrong with this world? Is everyone so desperate to get on television that they'd take 50 bucks to be bored? Ha ha ha! That is so classic. She said she'd do it for 300.
So last night I missed Earlimart - damn you, Phoenix friends, for being so bland - but I did get some nookie from the Estranged Hub. We pull out all the stops now, which is loads of fun. Married couples, take heed: Fantastic Nookie Awaits During Mutual Separation! It's comforting, too. One of my friends said that after her parents divorced her dad would come over and her parents would do it in the backyard to hide it from the kids. Good times, good times...there's nothing more romantic than making the beast with two backs while squashing the petunias.
"Ahead by A Century" - The Tragically Hip
First we'd climb a tree
and maybe then we'd talk
Or sit silently
and listen to our thoughts
With illusions of someday
casting a golden light
No dress rehearsal
this is our life
That's when the hornet stung me
and I had a feverish dream
With revenge and doubt
tonight we smoke them out
You are ahead by a century...
Stare in the morning shroud
and then the day began
I tilted your cloud
you tilted my hand
Rain falls in real time
rain fell through the night
No dress rehearsal
this is our life
That's when the hornet stung me
and I had a serious dream
With revenge and doubt
tonight we smoke them out
You are ahead by a century...
But this is our life and disappointment's getting me down
Here's some hilarity: when I was going through security in the Fabulous Newark Airport one of the agents glanced at my license and asked, "What's Arizona like?" I said, "It's brown." And then, upon taking a closer look, she exclaimed, "Oh no - you didn't!" And I realized that in my license photo, which was taken in like 1995, I was wearing OVERALLS. Now, I'm not proud of this (we all have our fashion faux-pas that trail us), but the look on her face conveyed abject horror. Suddenly, I knew what she was thinking. "We don't drive covered wagons or anything," I blubbered. "It's not like the Old West." To which she said, "Yeah, right, Arizona," handed me my license and laughed. Oh, the shame, the shame. It's not enough to be stuck here, but to have it ridiculed by airport personnel in NEW JERSEY. Oh, it spanks!
And what the hell is blogging, anyway? It's semi-twisted to provide such an intimate look into your life via an online diary. It's like the desk-bound version of being on a reality show. You can air as much dirty laundry as you like and still remain semi-anonymous.
Speaking of reality shows, my girlfriend S in LA said a friend of hers invited her to be an extra for the opening credits of a new one. The producers are offering to pay people 50 bucks to A) bring their own clothes and B) stand around a restaurant from 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. What is wrong with this world? Is everyone so desperate to get on television that they'd take 50 bucks to be bored? Ha ha ha! That is so classic. She said she'd do it for 300.
So last night I missed Earlimart - damn you, Phoenix friends, for being so bland - but I did get some nookie from the Estranged Hub. We pull out all the stops now, which is loads of fun. Married couples, take heed: Fantastic Nookie Awaits During Mutual Separation! It's comforting, too. One of my friends said that after her parents divorced her dad would come over and her parents would do it in the backyard to hide it from the kids. Good times, good times...there's nothing more romantic than making the beast with two backs while squashing the petunias.
"Ahead by A Century" - The Tragically Hip
First we'd climb a tree
and maybe then we'd talk
Or sit silently
and listen to our thoughts
With illusions of someday
casting a golden light
No dress rehearsal
this is our life
That's when the hornet stung me
and I had a feverish dream
With revenge and doubt
tonight we smoke them out
You are ahead by a century...
Stare in the morning shroud
and then the day began
I tilted your cloud
you tilted my hand
Rain falls in real time
rain fell through the night
No dress rehearsal
this is our life
That's when the hornet stung me
and I had a serious dream
With revenge and doubt
tonight we smoke them out
You are ahead by a century...
But this is our life and disappointment's getting me down
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i know what you mean about the sex with the ex. it's as though i've shed the desire to please only him, any inhibitions i may have had while we were together, it's now all about me. what he thinks of me isn't as important anymore so might as well use him for every crazy fantasy i've ever had. because i know longer really care about his needs, in a way i'm just using him. it's very liberating and exciting.
"Beast with Two Backs"...I laughed so hard my monocle fell off. The only other time I have heard that phrase was here. You kill me chica!
Gurly, you are so right about fantasy sex with the ex. Good, good stuff. My problem is falling into that trap where you're like "the nookie is good, maybe the whole marriage could work...?" Wrong! Or, as we say in Phoenix, El Wrongo! Saw your blog, btw. You are adorable. Very Ashley Judd. I've been told I resemble some country singer (Teri Clark - ???) but often feel more like Carnie Wilson. Pre-stomach staples. Ouch.
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