I Am in What's Called a "Shit Cycle"

If I seem flip about my Estranged Hubby and divorce, it's only because it's the only way I can deal with it. Without my marriage, all I've got is my apartment, an empty bed and a lot of pathetic fantasy about inappropriate younger men and crushes on dentists and old friends.

And of course, the EH is one of the world's most wonderful creatures. I wouldn't have married him otherwise, natch! He's just more of a stuffer - a thinker - and I'm completely verbal. When we hang out and talk turns to our state of affairs, I drip tears like they're going out of style, and he just sits and makes a grumpy face, holding back what he's feeling and/or what's on his mind. And of all the moments to hold back! The emotions couldn't be more raw. I'm like, let's throw down and make some decisions here! Meanwhile, he just can't...he can't... he can't...

And so I've been steeling myself for singlehood, not knowing that he was thinking hard about reconciliation. The man hasn't given me a lot to go on...but I suppose that I haven't really made any big moves in that direction, to be fair. The separation was supposed to give him time to focus on finishing his student teaching while I was supposed to experience independence, and it was supposed to give both of us a taste of "singlehood."

A friend of mine - upon hearing this latest development - said, "To me, this is too little too late. He's all freaked out now that reality is
upon him. Just as I predicted, he would be, because we men are all alike."

And of course, getting back together would mean giving up some big dreams...mystery manflesh aside.


Anyhoo, MY GOD I LOVE THIS BLOGGING SHIT. It's so cathartic. By clicking on Earlimart in my own profile I found the blog of a hilarious guy in Texas who shares not only my exquisite taste in music but a love for German engineering, expensive restaurants and sarcasm. Sometimes, kids, life is grand.

So I'm finding out what everyone is doing for Halloween, and it cracks me up. My NYC pals are readying for a parade on Sunday - basically a streetside freakshow; my PA pals are going to parties and planning costumes; my L.A. friend is going to some festival in WeHo. Meanwhile, I've got nothing on the roster, and I'm damn happy about it. For one thing, Halloween in phx happens on Friday night for the big kids (read: people under 30 who go to bars in costume). This town isn't much for the Sunday-night shindigging. We have to schedule our booze holidays so we can relegate hangovers to the weekends.

I guess I'm just not into Halloween anymore. I used to go to this insane pimp-and-ho party that would move from fabulous house to fabulous house every year. It was one of those things where if you didn't get the invite you had no clue where it could be. Very cool, considering there were always about 700 people in some gigantic, park-like backyard, swilling free booze and parading about in various states of costumery, undress and drunkenness. Ohhhh, it was such a good time! But then it was taken over by a club-owner and moved to downtown Scottsdale, so I lost interest.

And of course, the last couple of years in the house with the hubby, Halloween has been a lot of doorbell-ringing and arguing over who's going to get up from the baseball game and answer it. So not my scene. (Last year, however, we invited about a dozen friends over and set up shop in the front yard. We had a cooler of beer and a ton of candy, and spent the entire night outside getting our buzz on and taking turns manning the candy table. It was genius!)

Tell Me About It:
Oh Alisa...keep up the great blogging, because when I read your blog I too drip tears. The good ones though! I swear you type the way I think, but can't type. Does that even make sense, because it sounded ok in my head until I typed it and read it. Dammit here it goes again!

Mike, I adore your flattery. Do you want to be President of my fan club? Meetings will be held at the Swizzle Inn every Friday night at 8 sharp. Bring quarters for the pool table, dollar bills for the jukebox, and tonic water, because drinks at the Swiz are so strong that we have to smuggle in our own mixers. (Notice I'm not complaning!) After roll call, however, I'm totally at a loss for what to do. Maybe we can take turns autographing some airbrushed head shots of me, make friendship bracelets, or perhaps compile a list of celebrities we love to hate? I don't know - you're the Prez, you think of something, k?
i wanna join the fanclub as your personal fashion consultant. ask me if kelly green goes with your mauve trousers! p.s. you're trading those overalls hiding in the back of your closet for some pink converse!
Hey baby,

If only I had half the writing skills you have. this shit is so good for us.. writing.. getting out the demons! My wife said she would never be able to write stuff and have it up for all the world to see and judge.. but it doesn't work that way for me.. I get to vent, talk, converse and hopefully get someone to laugh while reading. Also, I get to abuse ellipses...

Since I'm the shoe-in for the office I will accept my duties proudly! My first order of business will be appointing Texas Gurl as your full-time life coach and somlynn as your fashion consultant. Together you will conquer your fears on Xs, singlehood, and fashion faux pas. My second order of business will be appointing an activity planner because I suck at planning activities. Once when I was volunteering for Vacation Bible School I ran out of things for my kids to do during recreation...And Then Everything Went Horribly, Horribly Wrong. We stumbled upon a huge trash can of water balloons so I told them they should throw them at each other. Two lessons learned: 1) sending kids home wet makes parents mad and 2) water balloon toss station volunteers don't have a sense of humor. Anyway, back to me being THE BOSS! Maybe robalicious would be interested in the event planning pozish. I am appointing matt as our DJ so save yo dolla billz. He'll hardwire his Ipod to the jukebox and rock us out with some Earlimart.

That is all for today. This being-in-charge shiz is hard!
That's exactly what I need - a crack crew of celebrity stylists to help me out! Thanks, Mike, for the brilliant idea. See? You're already doing a great job as Fan Club Prez. (Two more years of this and you might be eligible for the pink Cadillac!)
Rob - I totally agree on the "cathartic" thing. My problem is that it's more like mental exorcism!

(And I so want to say "mexorcism," but that sounds more like yakking up last night's enchiladas than laying my thoughts bare for the world to see...)
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